Written by Hannah Wilson
Founder of Diverse Educators
What is a Courageous Conversation?
In courageous conversations, whether in the context of performance appraisal, mentoring, or coaching, individuals are encouraged to express their views openly and truthfully, rather than defensively or with the purpose of laying blame. Integral to courageous conversations is an openness to learn.
What Is an Example of a Courageous Conversation?
Typical examples include handling conflict, confronting a colleague, expressing an unpopular idea on a team, asking for a favour, saying no to a request for a favour, asking for a raise, or trying to have a conversation with someone who is avoiding you. Research shows that many women find such “courageous conversations” challenging.
How Do You Frame a Courageous Conversation?
- Set your intentions clearly.
- Create a container.
- Prepare facilitators & groups.
- Set it up.
- Open with vulnerability.
- Have the discussion.
- Come back together and close.
- Support each other.
What Does the Research Tell Us About Courageous Conversations?
According to the work of Susan Scott there are The Seven Principles of Fierce Conversations:
- Master the courage to interrogate reality. Are your assumptions valid? Has anything changed? What is now required of you? Of others?
- Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real. When the conversation is real, change can occur before the conversation is over.
- Be here, prepared to be nowhere else. Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you will ever have with this person.
- Tackle your toughest challenge today. Identify and then confront the real obstacles in your path. Confrontation should be a search for the truth. Healthy relationships include both confrontation and appreciation.
- Obey your instincts. During each conversation, listen for more than content. Listen for emotion and intent as well. Act on your instincts rather than passing them over for fear that you could be wrong or that you might offend.
- Take responsibility for your emotional wake. For a leader there is no trivial comment. The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation is the relationship. Learning to deliver the message without the load allows you to speak with clarity, conviction, and compassion.
- Let silence do the heavy lifting. Talk with people, not at them. Memorable conversations include breathing space. Slow down the conversation so that insight can occur in the space between words.