So You’re the Coachee
Written by Dwight Weir
Dwight is a Deputy Headteacher and Life Coach. He is also an inspector for British Schools Overseas. Dwight has a passion for coaching and leadership development.
Oftentimes we hear about the coach and the skills required to be an effective coach. Not much is said about the coachee – the other very important one in the relationship. The coachee, is a person who receives training from a coach. My learnings from various coaching experiences as a coachee have allowed me to craft certain skills and attitudes which I share as the skills or attitude needed by coachees.
- You answer your own questions. In answering your own questions, you are often engaged in a radical thinking process, examining your challenge and context and then finding the best way through the challenge. The thinking environment is a philosophy of communication developed by Kline (2009), which enables people to think for themselves and think better together. It is a simple, rigorous and radical set of processes. Coaches don’t answer your questions but provide you with the means to think through and find answers yourself.
- You take more risks – It is through risk taking that you know if your ideas will work. On the journey to success – radical decisions are made. You make these decisions as you know you’ll be able to reflect and discuss your thought process with the experienced other – the coach.
- You become more reflective – a great amount of the discussions with the coach is reflective. Researchers such as Muir and Beswick (2007) suggest that there are different levels of reflection that can take place, which move from descriptive to critical forms. It is the critical reflections that help us transform our practices.
- You must embrace quiet moments – embrace quiet moments as you think through your own hurdles. During the mentoring process these quiet moments are filled with answers by the mentor. Within the coaching relationship you don’t need answers you need a sounding board – the experienced other – the coach, to discuss your ideas. Here you find out for yourself. Notice ‘find out’ not told about.
- You become open to criticism – great coaches are frank and open. In coaching relationships you are told the brutal truth about your observed movements, dialogues, expressions and attitude. During your intake session a good coach will ask you how you’d like to be challenged or not. Does it make sense you start this journey, not wanting to hear the truth? Feedback is a gift. You can return the gift. But on these occasions, you keep the gift, as in true coaching relationships trust is the base from which change is realised.
A lot can be gained throughout coaching journeys and relationships. What is more and more apparent is, coaches don’t give answers but feed with questions which enable meaningful thought and self-discovered answers to your challenges. This is a skill only the experienced other could exhibit flawlessly and empower the coachee to unravel options and find answers. I describe this process as a journey, this relationship develops gradually after establishing trust and an openness to feedback from your coach.
Coaching relationships should be for a proposed period of time. It should be anticipated that the experienced other will equip coachees with the skills to enable their success then release them to grow.
Can you be coached if you don’t display these attitudes? Of course – it just might take you a little longer.
Make Yourself Heard
Written by Bennie Kara
Founder of Diverse Educators
Public speaking is a fact of life in the teaching profession. We speak to students all the time in classrooms, but every so often, we are called to deliver assemblies, or to deliver training to staff, or to speak to governors. Some of us are supremely confident in talking in front of students, but shudder at the thought of talking to a group of adults. If you’ve ever felt a sense of dread when you are asked to stand up and deliver spoken content outside of the classroom, you’re not alone. According to the British Council, 75% of us suffer from anxiety about talking in front of a crowd.
Speaking in front of the crowd may tap into a range of fears. We might fear being nervous and how that might affect our assignment. We might fear judgement, or fear that we won’t get everything across that we want to say. We might fear that people won’t listen. We might fear forgetting what we are saying in the moment, stumbling, freezing, feeling embarrassed. These are valid fears and affect most of us.
Whose voices are valued in the public space? Some people are less confident in their speaking abilities because their voices have been silenced. In the UK, global majority teachers work in a predominantly white British teaching workforce; we know the statistics on the ethnic make-up of leadership teams in education. Global majority teachers may suffer from the voicelessness that is part and parcel of existing in marginalised groups. This isn’t just true in terms of race and ethnicity; it is also true for sexuality, gender, disability, and neurodiversity.
Voicelessness erodes confidence. So it is hugely important that we learn how to find a voice in the public space and to feel like we belong there.
Finding your message
Regardless of the occasion, it is important to define the message. Speaking in a staff meeting, delivering a talk to parents – what is it that we want to get across? Not just in terms of the information, but also about you. How are you defining your leadership in the moment through what you say and how you say it?
The message might be small, or it might be momentous. In either case, we need to find ways to define a sense of who we are as engaging speakers and to ensure that we can convey our message effectively. This takes thought, planning, and crucially, constructive practice.
The best public speakers have elements in common. One of the most powerful tools in public speaking is your ability to tell a story. Storytelling is vital in public speaking, in the appropriate contexts. An assembly without a story, a keynote without anecdote can feel dry and impersonal. The most skilled public speakers I have encountered know how to weave a story into the talk with a deftness and ease that seems intuitive.
But storytelling is not intuitive for all. Some people are completely comfortable in selecting anecdotes, examples, stories, tiny useful narratives for the public engagement. Others have to think more carefully, but that careful process can lead to brilliant, engaging public speaking.
The Diverse Educators ‘Make Yourself Heard’ Course
Designing this course, for us, means that we can support you in developing the right mindset for public speaking and provide you with practical strategies to make yourself heard. It aims to develop a voice with you in small groups so that you have the chance to listen, learn, practise and hear feedback.
If you would like support in developing your voice, join us on the ‘Making Yourself Heard’ course using the details below:
Monday 15th January and Monday 11th March 4-5pm
Part 1 – Monday 15th January 2024 4.00-5.00pm
The first session is an intensive look at how you can plan, develop and deliver talk in public so that you can create impactful messages.
Part 2 – Monday 11th March 2024 4.00-5.00pm
This second session aims to support you in considering how to speak impactfully in public. It will cover planning, rehearsal and delivery style in a safe, supportive space with fellow educators.
Nb/ Both sessions will be held on zoom, they will be recorded so purchasing the recording is also an option if you are unable to make either of the dates.
‘What Got Us Here Won’t Get Us There...’
Written by Audrey Pantelis
Audrey Pantelis is an associate coach, consultant and trainer. She is a former Headteacher of a Special Educational Needs and Disabilities school and a current Diversity, Equity and Inclusion consultant and leadership coach.
We are, without a doubt, going through some tumultuous changes right now.
It’s a challenge not to be impacted by the troubles that surround us, and I do find it interesting that there is so much backlash regarding the lack of commenting on the Israeli-Hamas conflict by diversity, equity, and inclusion leads.
Do we HAVE to speak on everything?
The conflict is especially complex, and I find it interesting that it has a long historical narrative. Naturally, what is happening right now is horrific and deserves our voices to decry, denounce and condemn all those who are causing the horrendous losses of life. That is not in dispute. However, these same voices have been silent during the past ten/twenty years – or did I miss something?
This idea of difference and the subsequent displacement is something that I can resonate with – and while the conflict is not just about race and religion – there is a similarity with the concept of superiority and inferiority that is echoed when considering the definition of racism. As I have said, this is not about racism.
I don’t know how many of you have watched ‘This Is Us’ (2016-2022). It is an American TV series that follows the lives and families of two parents and their three children born on the same day as their father’s birthday. It tells of the trials and tribulations of triplets – Kevin and Kate are the biological children – of parents Jack and Rebecca – and Randall is adopted by Jack and Rebecca following the death of the third biological triplet. Randall is Afro-American and was ‘left’ at the fire station – a fireman takes Randall to the hospital and Jack speaks to the fireman following the death of the third triplet and adopts Randall. During Season 5, the episode entitled ‘Brotherly Love’ shows characters Randall and Kevin having a deep and healing conversation that addresses their upbringing and the way that they perceive one another. The discussion confronted issues around race and their family dynamic, specifically Randall’s experience of being a black child adopted by a white family and the microaggressions he faced.
It was a fascinating watch – most notably because Kevin admits that he has been actively racist in his sibling rivalry – he connects Randall’s blackness to the way he was treated within the family and then tries to take him down a peg or two because of it. I was moved by it because of the admission by Kevin and how it resonated with my own lived experiences. Randall was always made to feel that he should be ‘grateful’ for being found and taken in by a white family. The parallels between my understanding and Randall’s understanding of whiteness aren’t that different: wanting to be part of the majority when you are the minority; attempting to ‘blend in’ using language, accent, and behaviours; ensuring that you are no ‘different’ than anyone else through an understanding that merit gets you where you aspire to be. Emotionally detached and focusing on what can be ‘seen’ rather than ‘felt’. However, the idea of ‘whiteness’s superior identity to blackness’s inferior one’ is not enough for Kevin’s character and his need to try and ‘take him down a peg or two’ appears to be predicated on fear. Fear that Randall just might be better than Kevin. Randall plays into this – he is a high achiever, and he aspires and achieves success. Would he have done this if he had been raised in his own biological family? This we do not know, but we do know that Randall is living his life as best as he can – but he still feels ‘othered’ and not ‘enough’ despite his achievements.
Back to the title.
The history books tell us how one-sided life has been for those who are considered ‘other’, and it feels as if we are now at that reckoning.
By continuing as we were doesn’t cut it in the world – different times.
When George Floyd was murdered in 2020, the world watched, horrified and stunned at seeing what had been happening in plain sight. Maybe it’s a modern characteristic that we now seem to have ringside seats to horrific and heinous crimes, but with this opportunity, we need to be change-makers – not from our keyboards and phones but from our platforms, our places of work, wherever we have influence. Consistently chipping away at the rock will disintegrate the mountain.
But it’s difficult.
Why?
Because we cannot control everyone’s attitudes or actions and approaches to everything. However, polarisation appears to be king – you are either FOR something or AGAINST something, and nuance is not brought into the narrative because it doesn’t fit the ‘for or against’ stance. Equally – having a strong conviction about right and wrong is not to be condemned either – but we do need to listen to and be able to understand viewpoints that differ from our own, even if we don’t agree with them.
The hierarchical, colonial, and restrictive structures of the past no longer serve us – the old rules are now proving to be obsolete and hanging on to them scares the heebie-jeebies out of most of us – change can be considered to be fearful. However, what I believe is more fearful is the desire NOT to change, adapt, or try to do things differently.
We can aim to do what we can, with intention and with integrity; and with the idea that the next generation brings their energy and innovation to understanding old and entrenched viewpoints. We need new eyes on old situations. As educators, we are responsible for ensuring that nuance is part of how we think about things and how we can apply it.
‘I’m so glad we have one of you here!’
Written by Nabiha Mohamed
I am a British born Muslim Pakistani Geography teacher, who loves rocks and the Marvel Universe. I have spent 13 years living in Abu Dhabi but have now returned to the UK and am living in Bristol. I have taught in both comprehensive and independent schools, both of which I have enjoyed very much. I am a creative being who overthinks everything! I love to learn, and I have recently woken up to the fact that I am one of the few teachers of colour in this country and am now feeling the responsibility of this weighing heavy on my shoulders. Keen to ‘make a difference’ in the schools, I would love to connect with other teachers of colour in the UK.
We have been hit with comments like these throughout our lives. We have become accustomed to these ‘microaggressions’ in every aspect of our daily routines, and by ‘we’, I mean, people of colour.
As a British Asian Muslim woman (that’s a lot of labels already) born and raised in this country, I had never heard of the term ‘microaggressions’, until about 2 years ago in a CPD session at school. It was a turning point for me, in my career and my personal life. I have since been educating myself around the topics of unconscious bias, microaggressions and sense of belonging, particularly in schools. It’s been a rollercoaster ride since then, highs and lows in my teaching career, in my understanding of the issue and trying to work out how best to teach students to be assertive and staff to be ‘awake’. I am no professor in this area, I am not perfect, but I have grown to become passionate about this topic as one I can relate to and hopefully, an area I can help change in schools.
I have come to realise that many people who fire microaggressions at you, are often wonderful, kind, well-meaning people. They just don’t think about the gravity of their words; if you did have the courage to call them out on their inappropriate comments, they would be utterly devastated, which also makes us hold back on speaking up. Three recent examples I can think of (all said by adults):
- I can never learn the names of the girls who wear hijabs, they all look the same.
- I’m so glad we have one of you here now at school, the kids really needed someone like you.
- I loved culture day; it was my favourite day of the year! I loved all the costumes students wore; they were beautiful.
Costumes? I don’t wear my salwar kameez on Halloween, love.
I have delivered CPD sessions and assemblies on Unconscious Bias and Microaggressions to both staff and students recently, with the aim to give students of colour the confidence to speak up and say, ‘that’s not okay’ and to educate teachers on what many of their students go through daily as they go about their lives.
The thing is… I said in my assembly that I promised myself, whenever anyone was to say anything inappropriate directed at me, I would speak up and tell them. If ‘we don’t do this’, I said, ‘things will never change.’ Did I speak up when the above microaggressions came my way? Shamefully, no I did not. WHY, oh WHY did I not say anything?! Because, they were all lovely people who didn’t mean any harm. Because I, aged 47, did not know how to handle the situation at that exact moment, and if I couldn’t, how could I expect a child to?
However, I want to break the cycle. I want to have the confidence to say ‘errmmm, no’, and I want to teach students to be able to do the same in a respectful way, but I don’t know how to. We have school policies on explicit racism but there is nothing in means of reporting the implicit microaggressions from students or staff. Should there be? Is there a need? Do we ask our EDI Leader to speak to the guilty ones or should we have the guts to do it ourselves? But the interesting, or annoying thing amongst these questions in my head is, why am I struggling to speak up like I am the guilty one? I haven’t done anything wrong.
Pupil Voice and Agency – DEI Pupil Leaders
Written by Kiran Satti
Senior Assistant Principal; Primary Trust - Literacy Lead Practitioner; #WomenEd Regional Leader; Contributor to Diverse Educators: A Manifesto.
Diversity, Equity and Inclusion – what does it mean to the children we serve in our school communities?
One of our DEI Pupil Leaders shares what it means to her…
I am very proud of being a DEI leader because it is an important job. It is important because we are helping the children learn about the Protected Characteristics, we are reading important stories to the children to help them become aware and most importantly, help the children understand what it might be like for someone living with some of these Characteristics, such as disability.
The stories she is referring to are our DEI Story Escapes. At the beginning of this year, the newly formed DEI Pupil Leaders (another branch to our Pupil Leadership Team) sat and discussed which books they believed were best representative of each of the Protected Characteristics. Most powerfully, this group of Pupil Leaders were representative of the increasingly diverse learning community they are part of. The DEI Pupil Team have 6 members who are very passionate about equal and human rights – this was evident when I was sharing the Pupil Training, where we learnt about the Protected Characteristics and the importance of understanding intersectionality.
In alignment with the Pupil Training, I also delivered staff training to ensure the teachers and educators shared the same understanding of DEI as the Pupil Leaders. It was important everyone in our school community had a shared language and understanding to draw from as the children started to read the DEI Story escapes to the classes.
Here are some of the Pupil Leader’s favourite DEI Story Escapes:
My favourite DEI Story Escape we have shared so far is There is a Tiger in the garden! There is a tiger in my garden is my favourite book because it has amazing illustrations and lots of emotive language. “Wow!” says Nora is my favourite part of this book because of how beautiful the dragonflies were and how they drew them! This book is about the protected characteristic AGE – it doesn’t matter what your age is, we can all still use our imagination, young or old.
My favourite DEI Story Escape is Pink is for Boys. My favourite page is where blue is for girls and pink is for boys. Ut is my favourite book because it tells us that colours are for everyone – they are not gendered. There are no colours for particular people – all colours are meant for everyone.
Pink is for Boys is my favourite book because it shows us thar all of the colours are for everyone. My favourite pages are the ones with the unform and where it says pink is for girls and boys.
Sulwe is my favourite DEI Story Escape. It is my favourite book because at first she thought she wasn’t pretty because she wasn’t the same skin colour as her sister but then she realised people needed the darkness to rest – my favourite page is where they told her, “When you are the darkest is when you are most beautiful.”
The DEI Story escapes have been an incredible success, mostly because the Pupil Leaders have read and led the discussions. Pupil Voice is at the heart of our DEI work at Wallbrook Primary Academy because they are the future – the pupils are being enabled to use language which is instrumental to creating a future that accepts and nurtures differences.
Developing the power of story, the Pupil Leaders are currently sharing Braille stories with their peers. They lead on teaching their peers how to decode using Braille, and have developed several games to enable the children to learn and practise reading and writing in Braille.
I can not wait to see how DEI continues to grow and the DEI Pupil Leaders continue to flourish into the next academic year!
What Does it Mean to Belong?
Written by Hannah Wilson
Founder of Diverse Educators
Some people think that framing DEI work under belonging softens it and dilutes it, whilst I do understand this critique, I personally believe that belonging is the door-opener to the conversations about DEI, it is the way-in for many to enter the space.
Belonging to me is being seen, being heard, being valued, being safe. Belonging is not about fitting in but about being accepted, loved and respected for who we are. When we belong, we feel included, we feel connected and we can flourish as we can be ourselves without fear of judgment. We belong when noone makes us feel like an outsider, noone others us. We belong when we are celebrated, not tolerated.
I always start my training session with any stakeholder group by exploring the language and unpacking the acronyms that can inhibit the work. I share the linguistic/ acronym journey of DI (Diversity and Inclusion) becoming EDI (Equality, Diversity and Inclusion) and iterating into DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion). With the J for Social Justice appearing with some saying DEIJ and others saying JEDI. Noticeably, the addition of the B has been a more recent trend in the last 3 years.
Belonging appeared in our consciousness and in our vocabulary in the wake of George Floyd’s murder. As we saw corporate commitments to doing the work, I observed a trend on LinkedIn. People in my network who were Heads of DI/ EDI/ DEI were becoming Heads of Belonging. A subtle shift in language which reframed their role. Their remit was to be responsible for levels of belonging in their organisation and to use this lens to scrutinise policies, processes and practices.
I started sharing this observation with the school people I was training and it always resonated – show me an educator who would answer No to the question: Do you want all of your learners to belong in your classroom/ school? In some ways it is a bit of a trick question when you then follow up with more probing questions about belonging in the curriculum and in the library. They have already said Yes so how do they now do a U-turn and say No?
I began to extend the questioning to the adult experience: Which adults belong in your school? Which parents belong in your playground? Who belongs in our education system? Each question was a provocation to invite some reflection and discussion, to shift people out of their own bubbles and to exercise some awareness and some empathy for others.
Using my coaching skills to create a safe space, to take people beyond their comfort levels and to increase their consciousness is a facilitation strategy I am constantly refining. A safe space means that we can be courageous and that we can challenge one another but that we do it in a mindful way. The wheel of power of privilege exercise I regularly use is a tool that can create high levels of discomfort but it is a great way to unpack the ‘perception gap’ and emphasise why some people might have a greater sense of belonging than others.
Linking the census data for the country to the workforce census for our profession to attrition data for the sector to hate crime data in society to staff and student survey data, is another way to increase awareness of who belongs and why this might be. As an English teacher I use the data to tell the story of a space and I ask the question: What story is the data telling us about who belongs here?
So when I am delivering keynotes and workshops on Creating a Culture of Belonging, with the acute awareness that I am a cis-het, white, able-bodied woman who is facilitating the conversation, I am not letting people off of the hook, but I am instead creating a container for some radical candor. I am holding up the mirror to myself and to others to recognise that we might have taken our own sense of belonging for granted and that we might assume that others feel/ experience our spaces in the same way as we do, when the reality is that there are gaps which can quickly become gulfs.
I remind people in our training sessions that belonging and love are at the centre of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Noone can progress to the upper tiers of esteem or self-actualisation without a sense of connection. More importantly it is also a reminder that we do not belong if our physiological and safety needs are not being met. A stark example of this is found in the Just Like Us 2021 Report – Growing Up LGBTQ+ published as we came out of lockdown.
Belonging is the goal of our DEI work. Belonging is also the outcome of our DEI work. Belonging surveys can be helpful as they baseline how people are currently feeling about their experience – we can baseline and benchmark belonging by role, by group, by identity and listen to/ learn from what we are being told. Belonging is not fluffy, when used intentionally, it instead creates insight from the different portals it opens up for us to explore.
For example, women between 30-39 who are parents/ carers and who are seeking flexible working vote with their feet and leave our sector in droves each year. How can we create more family-friendly schools to create a greater sense of belonging for that group of professionals?
For example, mixed race is the fasting growing racial identity in primary school pupils nationally. How can we recruit and retain more teachers of colour who represent the communities that we serve? How does having increased role models in the staff increase the levels of belonging for our pupils?
A culture of belonging is one where we are courageous and curious, one where we are open to challenge and committed to change. It is one where we ask searching questions and where we listen to the often hard truths that are revealed.
So as everyone jumps on the ‘Belonging Bandwagon’ and it becomes the newest buzz word at edu-events, can we make sure we are not skirting around DEI issues but getting to the heart of the matter? And when we are talking about belonging at events and in our schools can we be more aware of who is in the room, of who is talking, of who is listening and what that also tells us about the sense of belonging or the lack of?
Diversity Doesn’t Begin at School
Written by Josiah Isles
Josiah Isles is an Assistant Headteacher and science teacher at Ladybridge High School in Bolton. He is passionate about improving the life chances of students from disadvantaged backgrounds.
As a member of the Diverse Educators community, I am clearly preaching to the converted when I talk about the importance of diversity in our educational settings. Instead, I want to discuss how you build positive relationships within a diverse school and the wider community. It’s a journey my school has embarked upon, full of unexpected twists and turns.
Listen to your student body
As a school, we lead by example, championing the values that are important to us. We want students to understand and see who they are, how their views fit in and how to develop their opinions. By pursuing that path, the school demonstrates behaviours that students can replicate in their lives.
But we have found that there are issues more important to the students that we wouldn’t even think of. For example, our Year 11 students recently highlighted the issue of colourism within the Asian community during a whole school presentation. We have also had to learn more about what our students call ‘pretty privilege’, a term associated with those deemed ‘conventionally pretty’. By listening to our student body, we can understand more and be better prepared when issues and challenges arise.
Immerse yourself into the community
We need to create an environment whereby students don’t have to switch codes or behaviour to accommodate school life. We should allow students to proudly display their cultural identity, which they can embrace as they transition into adulthood.
To do this successfully, we need to reach out enthusiastically to our local community. At Ladybridge High, we have a lot of Muslim students and have actively developed a relationship with our local mosque. Imams have been invited into the school to meet senior leaders. When an issue arises, we look at it from the student’s point of view. We need to step into the shoes of a Muslim student who attends school five times a week, an Islamic school on Saturdays and their local mosque every evening.
We need to remember that being a diverse school can have a huge impact on the wider community. A school is, after all, the heart of the community. Start by organising small events that will bring the community into the school. Low attendance doesn’t mean you are failing; staging regular events will send a powerful message to residents.
Ladybridge High recently held a Warm Hub event for our local community. We had people able to answer any questions visitors had about Universal Credit or food banks. They could purchase pre-loved school uniform. We even had NHS nurses offering smear tests. Attendance wasn’t great, but we will persist by staging further events. Why? We want people to see us as part of the community and an accessible resource.
Training, training, training
Yes, staff training is important when developing relationships within your school and local community. But remember to take your time. Change won’t happen overnight. Think about how you will embark on the journey. Identify areas where there are issues such as unconscious bias.
Ladybridge High has a zero tolerance to any student that uses racist or misogynistic language. The severity with which we challenge such behaviour sets an important tone for the school. Of course, there can be a wariness on the part of teachers about approaching the concepts of diversity. Individuals are rightly concerned about causing offence. Training should help teachers be comfortable with using the right words – especially when explaining offensive language. The BBC Teach website, for example, has articles written by teachers sharing their views and experience of diversity. Many more of us need to pore over its contents to take ideas that we can implement in our schools.
Let me be clear, building positive relationships within a diverse school and the wider community is not easy. It’s not something that can be completed in a term or even a school year. And you need to persist – even when you face insurmountable problems.
Josiah Isles is an Assistant Headteacher and science teacher at Ladybridge High School. For more information about BBC Teach, please visit www.bbc.co.uk/teach
What if we replace toxic masculinity with intersectional masculinity?
Written by Zahara Chowdhury
Zahara is founder and editor of the blog and podcast, School Should Be, a platform that explores a range of topics helping students, teachers and parents on how to ‘adult well’, together. She is a DEI lead across 2 secondary schools and advises schools on how to create positive and progressive cultures for staff and students. Zahara is a previous Head of English, Associate Senior Leader and Education and Wellbeing Consultant.
In 2021, I led a conference at Beaconsfield High School on how schools can overcome toxic masculinity by revisiting their gender behaviour policies. 16 schools, students and parents heard from Hira Ali, Harry Moore, Leila May Lawrence, Aaron Pandher and the Global Equality Collective, The Terrence Higgins Trust and Headteacher, Peter Tang, on how we can create equitable behaviour policies and create a culture of respect in secondary schools. Over a year on, the discussion continues as schools are now tasked with tackling the rise of online hate and misogyny fuelled by Andrew Tate.
In schools, amidst the pressures of a recruitment crisis, a cost of living crisis and exam period, education about misogyny and sexism is being called on. As someone who is heavily involved in leading, researching and writing about this area, I worry, as an educator, as a parent and as a human, we’re talking more than we’re listening. An uncomfortable opinion perhaps: in the age of social media, content consumption, likes, comments and information overload we are overwhelmed with the problems, the dangers and fear. Whilst these feelings may be justified, we are looking for quick solutions before we understand the problems of toxic masculinity.
For those of us who parent and teach, we know young people can be insecure sponges, looking for a sense of belonging, validation and acceptance. Amidst the doom and gloom of school, online comparison and tackling their mental health, they’re also looking for fun. We know how impressionable young people are. We know for the most part, they just want to fit in – and therefore they look and listen for where this might be. So many have found a sense of belonging, entertainment and acceptance online with accounts and material that perpetuates – in this case – historic and systemic misogyny. The conference I led and articles I’ve written are tools to support schools to resolve this. What I realise now, though, is I was yet again facilitiating a great deal of information (albeit, valid and necessary) without listening to those it affected: the boys.
Professor Scott Galloway explains that our understanding of masculinity has been misconstrued and in many ways, caught up, in toxic masculinity – or what we perceive to be toxic masculinity. The data, research and case studies show that young men need support, whereas social media and the news imply masculinity is the problem – this all becomes a vicious cycle of information where many of us end up none the wiser.
Of course, as a woman and a woman of colour, I am well aware of the whataboutisms, counterarguments and rebuttals that may be flung my way. For the sake, success and safety of all our students, we now need to pause and create space for intersectional male experiences of our young people.
I say this because, as simple as it may sound, every young boy we come across has a different lived experience and whilst we hurry to find out how to make sure our children are safe, educated and staying away from the vile content they come across online, are we actually listening to them?
- Are we listening to the boy who has sisters he loves and respects, and knows exactly how to ally with women – because he is surrounded by strong people?
- Are we listening to Black and Asian boys who are still living amidst the trauma of George Floyd’s murder, and recently, the tragic murder of Keenan Anderson?
- Are we listening to Muslim boys who feel their faith and identity are constantly under a negative spotlight, or a spotlight entrenched in patriarchy and misogyny?
- Are we listening to boys who don’t like sport, but don’t know where else to go on the school playground?
- Are we listening to boys who are gay and don’t know where to turn, who to talk to, out of fear of what may happen?
- Are we listening to boys who are constantly told to be strong, but don’t know how?
- Are listening to boys who are vulnerable, without dismissing their feelings?
- Are we listening to boys who are struggling with their mental health but don’t know where to turn?
- Are we listening to boys who are told they will take on responsibility for the family once they’re old enough?
- Are we listening to girls who have wonderful relationships with their fathers and brothers and are collectively working together for equality and equity?
- Are we listening to boys and girls who share healthy relationships?
I could go on, and on and on. And, I know the same questions apply to women – intersectional feminism is perhaps a more well known term than intersectional masculinity. Equally, there is an absolute understanding and appreciation that intersectional masculinity is systemically privileged and of course, within that hierarchy of privilege, some men are more privileged than others. Having taught boys for a good few years and now, parenting a boy, I think part of the solution here is not just to teach them, but to listen. To understand who they are and who they want to be; to listen and then question their understanding of social norms, gender stereotypes and more. To understand their relationships, their communication, their hobbies.
There is research to suggest teenagers fare better in group therapy; the best conversations I’ve had with boys is in small groups, in the classroom. It’s the best place to listen to their lived experiences, challenge and discuss their views and form trusting and safe relationships – for them and young female students, too. Plus, the banter can be pretty entertaining.
Listening is a part of a wider solution and I know we are all still trying to figure out what that is. For now, though, let’s change their algorithm and introduce them to positive online male role models such as:
- Steven Bartlett
- Vex King
- Jay Shetty
- Marcus Rashford
- Ali Abdaal
- Dr Alex George
…and I’m sure the list can be much longer. There is absolutely a need to rid systemic and social structures of misogyny. Part of that battle – perhaps, part of the solution – is to listen to the experiences of young men too.
“Andrew Tate is a father figure to me” - lessons learned from talking to young people in schools
Written by Bold Voices
Bold Voices is an award-winning social enterprise preparing and empowering school communities to recognise and tackle gender inequality and gender-based violence through the delivery of educational talks, workshops, training and resources for young people, teachers and parents.
On January 3rd, the Bold Voices team arrived for our first staff training of the year. We love delivering staff training in schools, and we were excited to be back, if slightly unprepared for the early start and January rain. The session ran smoothly and the staff were engaged and passionate, all seemed as usual until we asked if there were any questions. Dozens of anxious hands shot up and they all had the same question – “what can we do about Andrew Tate?”
It wasn’t a surprise to any of the team, especially after the most recent news over the Christmas break, but the number of times his name has come up in schools in January has been unprecedented.
Back in July 2022 we began to hear students talk about Tate, and in order to get ahead of what we could see was a growing issue, Bold Voices released our Parent and Staff Toolkits to equip adults with the skills and confidence to have conversations about the ‘King of Toxic Masculinity’ with the young people in their lives. As the education sector catches up with the fact that this popular figure is not going anywhere anytime soon, we have seen a whole range of approaches to dealing with his popularity amongst teenage boys.
One strategy which we’ve seen is the blanket ban – sanctions for anyone who says his name in school. Another approach is whole school assemblies to speak about the harms of his content and messages. The young people we’ve spoken to don’t feel this works; they either say they feel silenced, or that the school is making too much of it. It is completely understandable that this is how many schools are responding. We certainly don’t have all the answers at Bold Voices, and we are always keen to hear back from other educators and parents who have found effective ways to address this issue (please let us know!) but for now we are encouraging schools to focus on one method that we know can have an impact: starting a conversation.
However, the reality is, these conversations are not easy. Here is a snippet of how they normally go:
“Miss, can I ask you a question? What’s your opinion of Andrew Tate?”
“Well, I’m much more interested in your opinion – what do you think of him?”
“He’s a top G miss. He teaches men how to be men. He makes money. He gets females. He’s a fighter. He is a traditionalist. He has four Bugattis. Those trafficking charges are lies. Those things he says? Taken out of context. Miss, it’s the Matrix. He’s a father figure to me.”
These conversations don’t always feel possible, or respectful, because these young people have internalised the message that anyone arguing against Tate is an idiot, hasn’t woken up to the truth, or they’re simply wrong. This makes it much harder to do our jobs – but we have seen success. In a school which had banned any mention of his name amongst pupils, when we opened up a conversation in a classroom, the feedback we received afterwards was: “I thought Andrew Tate was good but I realised what he does and all the hate against women.”
So what can we do to make more of those conversations successful? How can we move from fear of even starting a conversation, and those that go nowhere, to helping young people to choose for themselves if they want to continue to support Tate and his harmful messages?
Our response is three things (and they’re not easy):
STEP 1: TALK ABOUT HIM – BUT DON’T CONDEMN HIM
This can feel extremely difficult when the messages Tate puts forward are so explicitly dangerous and incite violence, but the more we condemn his words, the more we play into a right or wrong binary that pushes defensive teenagers even further away. Narratives around the Matrix incorporate the idea that there is a “great lie” going on, and figures like Tate (and Trump and other populists who brand themselves as anti-establishment) use this condemnation to push the idea: “that’s what they want you to think”. Break out of this binary by opening a dialogue and empowering young people to see all sides and opinions and to have the autonomy to make their own decisions about who they follow and believe. The aim should not be to have our children believe everything we believe because it’s scary when they don’t; we want to raise a generation of critical thinkers who can form their own opinions.
STEP 2 – MAKE ANDREW TATE UNCOOL AGAIN
This ties into avoiding condemnation – when we stand up and tell young people he is dangerous we give him notoriety and power. Andrew Tate has branded himself as the antidote to cancel culture, so his popularity is not tied to his morality. Not only that, his messaging around gender roles mean that he can discredit those who speak out against him with misogynistic myths – case in point, I asked a student if he would stop liking him if Tate was convicted for the trafficking charges and he said “well, the women are probably just lying for money and attention.”
Attempts to laugh at Andrew Tate have been more successful in damaging his reputation than pointing out how dangerous he is. The closest to this that I’ve seen is this twitch streamer’s video and Greta Thunberg’s infamous tweet. What I don’t like about these tactics is that they use old tropes of emasculation to put a pin in his puffed up performance of masculinity. Relying on his tools to tear him down won’t create meaningful change in the long run (we’ll just see a newer version of him spring up to his place).
STEP 3 – ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
This brings us to the most important point – we need to change what questions we’re asking about Andrew Tate – instead of asking “what can we do about him?” we need to ask “what is it about him?” And “what is it about this current climate that allows his version of masculinity to thrive?”
His brand of masculinity is what draws people towards him: words like traditional, realist, role model for how to be a man. To most adults he looks like a cartoon of all the most ridiculous tropes of toxic masculinity; the cars, the money, the ideas about mental health. The alleged trafficking of women, the misogyny. So when we’ve looked at why he’s so popular the next question needs to be, what is the context and climate that means he is appealing?
When having these conversations I like to zoom right in, then all the way out. Instead of arguing his actual points with evidence or debating his intentions, I ask questions about what he represents, then look at the bigger picture, and ask why is that appealing right now?
The context in which boys are gravitating towards Andrew Tate is one in which they feel victimised and powerless. As an educator in the gender-based violence sector this can feel frustrating. But ignoring it and saying, “suck it up”, men have had power since the beginning of time, is not helping anyone.
Conversations around violence against women have completely transformed since I was at school less than 10 years ago. In a way that we can see paralleled with the movement for racial justice, conversations around gender-based violence have been radically shifted by events of the past decade: The #MeToo movement, Everyone’s Invited, Ofsted investigations, Sarah Everard’s death and many more. It’s confusing for young people.
Girls, trans and non-binary pupils have more awareness and knowledge than ever (thank you TikTok) about the ways in which they are victimised within a culture of gender-based violence. And they still suffer many different forms of this. But boys feel under siege too. They feel more under threat of being falsely accused than ever. Andrew Tate offers them a different narrative from the one in which they feel they’ve been cast as the baddies. There are no alternative models of masculinity on offer. We go into schools and tell young people that what Andrew Tate puts forward is an unrealistic stereotype of masculinity that ultimately harms everyone. Sometimes they see that, but when we exist in a system that punishes those who don’t fit a stereotype, we construct a reality where it is preferable to be an Andrew Tate rather than a man who can express his emotions and show weakness and vulnerability.
The quote at the beginning says it all. “Andrew Tate is a father figure”. This is how teenage boys feel when there aren’t any other role models for masculinity that seem valuable in today’s world.
The options are; see the problem with masculinity and try your best to not embody it, or go sit with Andrew, the realist, who can show you how to stop apologising for being a man in a world where stereotypes are just ‘the way things are supposed to be’.
As educators on this subject we can tell you that having these conversations on the ground is hard work. It’s a painful slog that feels unrelenting and sometimes futile. Watching boys copy his physical stance, treat me with suspicion, shout down my logic and questions and cling to their idolisation of him makes me realise something; they are clinging tightly because he makes them feel safe and understood. And taking that away is difficult and can feel cruel when we aren’t offering good enough alternatives. If it was anybody but Tate, I would never question a vulnerable year 9 boy’s father figure and role model. I’m so glad he has that. I wish it wasn’t one who would teach him that depression isn’t real, that he should value women as possessions, and that his worth is measured in what he can win, and how dominating he can be. I want to give him a hug.
LET’S COME BACK NOW TO OUR THREE SOLUTIONS.
1- Talk about him, don’t condemn him. At Bold Voices we will keep going into schools and having these conversations. And if you have young people in your life please use our toolkits to start having these conversations too. This part is the intervention and it’s more necessary than ever. The aim is not to condemn and create a right or wrong, it’s to open a dialogue where there is more than one narrative to choose from.
2- Make Tate uncool – but not him specifically and not through emasculation. Instead through promoting other role models of masculinity who seem more appealing than Tate. We look to people like Marcus Rashford, Stormzy, and Steph Curry (get in touch if you have others you promote!)
3- Look at the conditions that make Tate popular. Ask questions and don’t stop asking.
WANT TO LEARN MORE?
- Toolkit: How to Talk to Young People About Andrew Tate – Bold Voices
- Article: (7 minute read) How to respond to boys inspired by Andrew Tate Mark Roberts – TES
- Article: (5 minute read) Andrew Tate: How schools are tackling his influence Alice Evans – BBC
- Article: (6 minute read) What is going on with this Andrew Tate hand gesture? Sophia Smith Galer – Vice
HOW CAN WE HELP?
Bold Voices is an award-winning social enterprise preparing and empowering school communities to recognise and tackle gender inequality and gender-based violence.
Resources: Activities for the classroom, toolkits, blog posts and lesson plans for discussing gender inequality and gender based violence. Sign up to be the first to hear about new resources we create through our newsletter.
In Person Talks and Workshops: Discover our staff training, pupil talks and workshops, led by experienced facilitators and delivering on key topics relating to gender inequality and gender based violence.
A Mother Tongue: Not a Metric of Disadvantage
Written by Elen Jones
Director at Ambition Institute. Former teacher in South London and West Wales.
We celebrate International Mother Language Day on 21st February. Let’s re-frame the discourse around EAL and celebrate the wealth that comes with being multi-lingual rather than considering those who have EAL as deprived because of it.
I had a great aunt who once explained to me why she didn’t teach her children to speak her mother tongue: Welsh. She was a passionate educator, a teacher all her working life and she supported me in applying to and eventually attending university. She believed that learning Welsh would take up space in her children’s memories, space that could otherwise have been used for something more useful. So the children didn’t learn any Welsh.
Now since my aunt made that decision, over half a century ago, we know much more about the process of learning and how our memories work. Thanks to the awareness of cognitive science that is accumulating in the sector, we know that long term memory has huge capacity. No knowledge is going to fall out of a person’s long-term memory in order to accommodate another language. However, being EAL, having a mother tongue other than English, is often framed as a challenge at best, a disadvantage at worst. Seldom is the discourse a celebration of the diversity of language in our communities.
Language is the tool we use to communicate, to make meaning and to articulate our thinking. We can only use what we know to do this. The word for turquoise in Welsh is gwyrddlas, literally translated greenblue. In Welsh to think and the mind are the same word: meddwl. These subtleties of perception and understanding give those of us who are EAL more, not less, to think with and about. Studies into the cognitive processes of those who are bilingual have found a number of advantages for cognition.
Like any aspect of identity, each individual with EAL is shaped by their own experience and one’s mother language is just one aspect of identity that intersects with many others. Many EAL learners who enter the English education system early in their lives fare well, at least as well as those with English as a mother tongue. Those who enter the education system later tend to fare less well. Pupils who are EAL and live in poverty are less likely to make good educational progress than their peers. Supporting EAL pupils to progress along language levels and grade boundaries, and to become fluent in the languages of their communities, is important, of course; but in the drive to do so, do we sometimes omit the ways in which EAL pupils can enrich the understanding of others by sharing their perceptions and experiences?
On International Mother Language Day let’s actually celebrate. The diversity of language, and of thinking and culture that come with it, add huge wealth to our communities. The day-to-day support for people with different identities that translation, re-explanation and careful communication requires of us as members of communities with a range of mother languages builds inclusion. It’s a habitual reminder that we are all both other and the same in many regards.
I recently had a long train journey from London to North Wales. On the last leg I shared a seat with a German family. I speak almost no German. They spoke almost no English. The mother had two sons and the boys squeezed in between the two of us. I understood almost nothing of their conversation, but as a mother of young children I completely understood the efforts involved in trying to keep two energetic, hot, excited and travel-weary children entertained and contained for a long journey. The final part of the train journey follows the coast of North Wales along the Irish Sea. As the train approached the coastline one of the boys called out meer. In Welsh y môr, in English the sea. Without a common language we all knew what we were talking about.
Using language is one of the qualities that unites us as humans. Let’s celebrate the way in which we all use language, and all use different languages, to communicate and form communities. All else being equal (and too often it is not) pupils are richer, not poorer, for celebrating their mother tongue.